He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
