I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He better not be in your backpack
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
