ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize