the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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