Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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