the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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