I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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