My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
