he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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