Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
