i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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