i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Randomize
