i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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