guys are not supposed to queef...right?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize