We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
