goodnight i made you a song goodbye
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
