Will you blow on my dice?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
