# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
