I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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