My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
