True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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