Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
