I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
