I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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