i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
