I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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