My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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