you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
