oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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