Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
