i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
