At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
birth control should be required to get into college
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
