Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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