is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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