I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
