I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
