Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
