why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
