You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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