Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
