Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
