so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
where are you?
Hypothermia
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
