Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
