You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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