i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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