It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
