it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
