I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
