I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize