Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
