we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
