i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
