please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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