I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can text with my tongue
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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