So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
