i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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