Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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