we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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