I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
birth control should be required to get into college
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
