I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
