Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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