why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just blew my weed a kiss
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
