imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
