I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
