How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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