I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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