they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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