So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We left an ass print on the piano.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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