I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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