i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
