There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
