He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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