I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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