8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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