my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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