what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
