So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
